The quest for masculinity
by BobMcBobinton
Summary: AU. Being a not very masculine guy always sucked for Roderich, but maybe it was better then he thought.


**The quest for masculinity **

Roderich Edelstein had never been a very masculine person. Ever since he was a little kid that had been apparent, his brother Vash had tried to get him to help in fights but in the end he was always being dragged home beaten up by his despairing brother. Even his looks practically screamed wimp, pale flawless skin, sleek black hair, a pair of no nonsense glasses and for god's sake he even had a beauty spot. His brother was a short, slim and blonde yet didn't cop any of the negative points for his looks, hell when you have that good an aim with a gun you can dress in drag if you wanted to.

It wasn't only his family that made him look pathetic, it was also the people around him. His best friend Ludwig was the complete opposite to Roderich, tall, short blonde hair and so muscular he had all the girls trying to swoon into his well built arms. The only thing that wasn't manly about him was the surprising fact that he was gay. Yep, the ultra-manly German was in a relationship with another man. Well to tell the truth in the beginning he had been straight. It was an amusing story actually, it had happened a long time ago, well not really. Eleven years ago, when the two had been nine.

You see the love of Ludwig's life; ditzy Feliciano had a very crazy grandfather. The grandfather had dressed up poor Feliciano and his big brother Lovino like girls from birth due to the fact the man had wanted grand daughters only. The two boys had grown up thinking they were girls and after their grandfather had died Feli had come to live with Roderich and his family. This was when poor Ludwig had started trying to ask Feli out not realizing he was a guy. This carried on for a while until Ludwig's family had decided to move away. He then confessed to Feli who accepted his feelings and the two had a tearful goodbye kiss. It wasn't until many years later when Feliciano's voice broke that it was even realized he was male. Let's just say when Ludwig came back many years later when they were twenty he was shocked to find that his childhood love was a guy, but he got over it pretty quick.

So yeah, poor Roderich was less manly than his gay best friend. That hurt A LOT! Come on, if you were less manly than a gay guy you would feel bad to. Also there was the ultimate knock to his manliness, her name was Elizaveta Héderváry. His long time crush and close friend who had been working as a maid for his family in the past. When you looked at her she seemed like a typical girl, long brown hair, pretty dress, good body and flower accessories. It was when someone pissed her off that things started getting scary. Roderich had first seen that side of her when a robber had broken into their kitchen, Elizaveta who had been cooking their breakfast at the time rushed to defend them. Armed with only a frying pan she beat the would be robber to a bloody pulp then called the police to clean up the mess. Ever since then, whenever someone so much as looked at him wrong Elizaveta would kick their ass. When your would be love is more kickass then you and can do it while in a frilly maid dress you know your manliness is low.

For now though he was happy just being her friend and maybe one day he would join a gym, stop playing the piano for a hobby and be masculine enough that Elizaveta would swoon into his arms.

Of course though all good plans have their problems and one fine day Roderich discovered a problem by the name of Gilbert Weillschmidt.

…

"RODERICH!" screamed a very annoying Italian.

The unexpected interruption caused Roderich the stumble over the keys of the piano and his quiet time had officially ended in a most unflattering way. Seconds later the source of the interruption had attached itself to him in the form of a hug.

"What is it Feliciano?" he asked in annoyance.

"Ve! Roderich I told you to call me Feli!"

Roderich sometimes wondered what a level headed man like Ludwig saw in Feliciano. The boy was so ditzy he was surprised he was a brunette, only thought about food, drove like a maniac and had a strange verbal tic where he said "Ve". Maybe it was because despite everything he was a good person, good looking and had that fabled Italian charm?

"Okay then, Feli. Why have you interrupted my quiet time?"

"Why is it called that? You're not quiet, you play that piano loudly!"

"Feli, I'm not going to ask you again." said Roderich as sternly as he could.

"Ve! Okay, Roderich. Ludwig told me to tell you that he went to the train station to pick up his big brother. He will be staying with us."

"WHAT!" yelled Roderich jumping to his feet.

Feli who had been dislodged with the sudden action fell to the floor and began to whimper like a puppy. Roderich meanwhile was going into panic mode. How could this have happened and no one have told him till now? Ludwig's older brother Gilbert was the craziest and meanest person ever. Before the two had moved back to Germany eleven years ago Gilbert had made his life a living hell, he had picked on him and repeatedly tried to attack his crotch saying that he was "Invading your vital regions". Yep, Gilbert was a menace to society and was actually kicked out of the army for being too bloodthirsty. He had been living on the other side of the country which was an expectable distance, but now the monster was going to be in his home any minute now. He did the only thing he could think of, try to escape through the window.

"Farewell Feli, try to survive your time with Gilbert. I won't tell you where I'm going or else he might find me."

"NO RODERICH! We're on the second floor!" screamed Feli clinging to Roderich who was in the process of climbing out the window.

"Let me go! There is a small bush underneath the window, I'm sure it will be enough to break my fall."

The two struggled for a minute as Feli was surprisingly strong and Roderich wasn't. It was when the door was opened by Ludwig that Feli let go and a screeching Roderich tumbled out of the window head first. Thankfully lady luck was on his side and he managed to land on the bush on his rear end not his head. He was mental rejoicing in his head, but then he looked up and saw a very familiar face that made him realize lady luck was just fucking with him.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't little Roderich, how did I know you would try and escape out your window?" said Gilbert Weillschmidt in a snarky tone.

The monster known as Gilbert stared down at his captured prey with his red eyes. Another sign that he was evil, not that albinos were exactly evil but Gilbert certainly fit the stereotype started by the DaVinci Code. He bent down and picked up poor Roderich by his shirt and held him up so his feet didn't touch the ground.

"It's good to see you again. I hope we can have as much fun as we did when we were teenagers."

"Roderich?" asked a feminine and very familiar voice.

Roderich then saw something that made his heart sink. Elizaveta had once more found him in a situation where it was made evident that he was a wimp. When Gilbert saw her as well he carefully put Roderich on his feet before strutting over to Elizaveta.

"Elizaveta, it's good to see you. I was helping Roderich up; poor guy fell in the bush. You sure have grown up haven't ya? How bout we go out sometime?"

Roderich was shocked to see Elizaveta blushing. That Gilbert was trying to make off with her! With his Elizaveta! Then for the first time in his life Roderich felt something bubble up inside of him and he found him self throwing himself between the two.

"Step away Gilbert. I'm not going to let you take Elizaveta!"

Gilbert raised a pale eyebrow in amusement. A murderous slasher smile spreading across his face. Roderich felt fear grip his heart.

"Oh and why not?"

"Because I love her and I'm not letting a jerk like you take her away from me."

Elizaveta gasped behind him but Gilbert just laughed. He pushed Roderich hard and he fell into the garden. Gilbert put a foot on his chest and stepped down hard, threatening to break his ribs.

"Little Roderich just got out of his depth. Seriously dude, when could you ever beat me at anything?"

"Maybe I can't but I'm sure she can." said Roderich pointing behind Gilbert.

Gilbert turned around to see what Roderich was pointing at and was hit full on in the face by a frying pan. He fell backwards clutching his broken nose as blood gushed out of it. Elizaveta stared down at him, eyes full of rage before she picked Roderich up bridal style.

"Touch my man again, Gilbo and I'll fucking kill you."

Roderich felt dizzy. Elizaveta had called him her man! Wait where were they going? Why was Elizaveta carrying him inside?

"Umm, where are we going?" he asked his new girlfriend.

"I've waited eleven years for you to finally confess and I can't wait any longer. We are going to your room and I'm going to have my way with you."

Roderich knew at that moment that he would never be able to be the manly one of the relationship, but hell he didn't care about that anymore. He was with the woman he loved and his mortal enemy was on the ground with a broken nose. Thus ended Roderich's quest for masculinity. Yep, life sure was good.

"Ve! Ludwig your brother just got beaten up by a girl!"

"What?"


End file.
